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Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Struggles of Moving Away


Moving out of state and relocating is a roller coaster journey. At first your so excited and you can’t wait! You are looking forward for a new experience, new friends and a fresh start in an unexplored state. When Antero and I first moved to Rhode Island about 6 years ago I went through different stages of emotions from relocating to another state. 

At first I was so excited. It was a fresh start and I was excited to explore a new state and region of the Northeast. I had never heard of Rhode Island before (hence my ignorance that I thought I was moving to NYC) and I eagerly wanted to get there. 

After the frenzy of finding an apartment and moving all our stuff in to a new place, the high of moving slowly began to fade. Antero began his new job right away and I started to feel timid to just drive around by myself and explore the state. I was staying at home alone a lot and began to feel restless and bored. Boredom was turning into sadness and negative thoughts. I was missing my family and slowly losing myself. I felt no inspiration to do anything and I lacked a desire to socialize. 

I regressed to old habits and the “new me” goal that came with the move started to transform back into the “old me” and I was hiding myself from the world. My husband encouraged me to find a job and after a few months submitting resumes and applying and I finally found a temp position (after three years as a temp I was finally hired full time).

Once I had a new job I started a new routine in my life, explored my neighborhood for grocery stores and shopping, went out weekend nights with my husband (boyfriend at the time) and started to meet new people at my new job. I was getting my spark back and feeling myself but then things toke another turn. 

My sister got pregnant and I was so excited for her but quickly started to feel left out and then the feeling of guilt creeped in. I felt guilty for moving away and not being there to help my family in times of need. I felt guilty that I wasn’t contributing to anything for them. I felt guilty that I wasn’t able to be around my family during this exciting time and couldn’t celebrate every holiday with them. Antero and I were driving back to upstate NY almost every other weekend. It was a physical, mental and financial strain on both of us. We had good and bad days and I was sulking on the fact that I was missing a lot family times. 

But that is all normal and with the help of my husband I had to find balance with my emotions. It is normal to miss your family and the comfort of your hometown. I can not focus on only those emotions and look forward to creating new memories. 

In hindsight moving challenged me and revealed to me things about myself that I needed to change. I was put in a new situation and I hid. I look back and I don’t want to be like that again. I was sheltered and coddled in my hometown by my family and loved ones. I have gained confidence in myself and independence of taking care of things on my own. I learned to stand on my own in some ways and I am open to new things, new hobbies, and new habits. 

Time is needed when you are going through the stages of moving away from your family and loved. I still have my bad days sometimes but I fight through it and not allow it to take over my mind and emotional state. I call my parents every day after work and then I facetime them at night. This gives me solace and keeps me involved in their lives. 

I try to focus on the strides my husband and I have made since we have moved all on our own. We are survivors! We sometimes have intimate talks where we reminiscence of how far we have come and the obstacles and tough times we toke care together. We have grown closer together and grown stronger for each other.

I look forward when my family comes to visit me and we still travel to upstate NY at least once a month and we find contentment in that. You have to kick guilt to the curb. Your family and loved ones are happy for you and when your happy they are happy! Plus they look at it, that now they have a place to stay when traveling




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2 comments

  1. Hi Alana! Thanks for sharing this. I moved to a new city a few years ago and I understand your struggle. My wife is from L.I. and we live upstate but both of us are far from family. It's hard sometimes trying to balance who we will visit for holidays and etc. but we make it work. Ultimately we are proud that we came to the city where we knew no one and created a life together. Every day it starts to feel more and more like home.

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    1. Hey doll! Your so welcome! I have been wanting to write this post years ago. It felt good to get it out finally. Time is on your side when trying to make a new place home. It has made me learned so many new things and for that I am grateful! Hope you had a nice weekend hun!

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