Explaing to your Spouse your Pregnancy Hormones

Pregnancy hormones...

Oh WOW there is alot to unpack here. Most men think that pregnancy hormones are just a myth and they love to try to debunk it. But the facts are on our side fellas... Sorry.

There are alot of physical changes we share in regards to pregnancy: bigger boobs, longer hair, better nails, swollen feet, glowy skin etc. But rarely do we dive into the changes that can happen in a relationship. My husband and I have experienced some good and not so good moments during our first pregnancy journey together. Hormones have played a huge role! It's been a roller coaster ride in the sense that one minute my husband and I are extremely close and the next I am feeling completely sad and abondoned by him. In the beginning I didn't know how to manage these feelings. My husband was so frustrated with me because he didn't understand where I was coming from. I didn't even have a reasonable explanation for it! So we were not on the same page at times. 

For example, the other day my husband and I got into a really big fight. That day I was hawkishly watching him and having conversations in my head about him that were all negative. My mind was hyping me up to basically be mad at him. I asked him a question and he responded and his response was not what I wanted to hear so I got super emotional. I was both angry and crying. He was so confused and frustrated so he did what alot of guys do and that's walk away and ignore me. That was the wrong move. I in turn ignored him and started to do things around the house by myself but in his face to make some self righteous point that I don't need you and see what a jerk you are being right now! 

This silent treatment continued and I wanted to win this battle so I made the dumb decision to sleep downstairs because I just didn't want to be anywhere near him. The next morning he had an early morning flight out for work and I woke up so overwhelemd with sadness that I just cried my eyes out. I had no self control over myself. I toke a shower and googled searched pregnancy hormones and educated myself on what is going on with me. 

I found out that while you are pregnant women are subjected to high levels of hormones. 

The main hormones include: 

HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin)

This hormone is produced by what eventually becomes the placenta. 

Estrogen 

Estrogen helps to stimulate hormone production in the fetus's adrenal gland, it stimulates growth of the adrenal gland, and it enhances the mother's uterus, enabling it to respond to oxytocin.

Progesterone

Progesterone relaxes all smooth muscles in the body. It keeps the uterus muscle relaxed and help's the body immune system tolerate foreign DNA.

Relaxin 

Relaxin loosens the ligaments that hold the pelvic bones together and for relaxing the uterine muscle. This prepares your body for baby’s passage through the birth canal. 

Prolactin 

Prolactin prepares breast tissues for lactation and the release of milk.

Oxytocin 

Oxytocin is also the hormone that stretches the cervix and stimulates the nipples to produce milk.

Here are some of the emotions I have felt while I have been pregnant and I hope this helps you guys:

I am super clingy!

Hormonal changes during pregnancy may affect the chemicals in your brain. During my second trimester I started to develop feelings of abandonment and panic. I would at times feel like my husband is not being there for me enough and then panicking because I felt like he will leave me. When he is away on his work trips, I panic that something will happen to him. I have even gone so far as to watch hawkishly on our Find Friends app to reassure myself that he made it to his destination okay and to his hotel. One trip his location was unavailable and I was in such a panic that I was frantic and figiddy all day until I finally heard from him later that night and I broke out in tears. If you are feeling this way the best thing to do is to communicate what you are feeling to your husband. I didn't do that in the beginning and I internalized alot of these emotions. But when I did start to share with him where my mind was going he gave me what I needed, comfort and love. 

Why doesn't he understand what I am going through

I used to say this in my mind so many times when I felt  like he just didn't get it but in all actuality of course he doesnt'! He's never been pregnant before! He doesn't know what physical symptoms I am going through. I read an article where some men don't feel like fathers until they actually hold their baby for the first time. Obviously for us the minute we feel that first kick or movement it all becomes so real! I have learned to back off and realize that I am more emotionally connected to our baby because he is part of me. But once he comes into the world, my husband will feel that same love that I do! 

Obsessive behavior

I have never been so obsessively compulsive about cleanliness in my life like I have since getting pregnant. I have found myself looking for crumbs left on the kitchen table just to find a reason to be upset with people. I want the house to be so perfectly clean for the baby because I start to imagine him getting sick from something being unsanitiary in the house. When I think like this I feel a overwhelming sense of guilt and anger towards others who are not doing their part. This has taken a toll on me because physically I can't keep cleaning the way that I used to because my body can't handle to labor. Finding peace in these moments have been a struggle for me but I learned in church one day that we need to find contentment in whatever current season that we are in. I can't just only have faith when things are well and abundant but more importantly I need to have faith in seasons of struggle and scarcity. 

The first step I learned navigating these issues is acknowledging your feelings and educating yourself. When I first caught myself behaving differently I opened up my laptop and started googling pregnancy mood changes. 

Secondly communication with your partner is key and can bridge the gap in fulfilling both of your needs. When I started to share with my husband thoughts and emotions I was feeling in the moment he appreciated me communicating and providing him with an explanation of my behavior. 

Lastly we made sure to schedule romantic dates with one another. Motto: Remember that you are a couple first and parents to be second! 

I hope sharing my experience may offer some comfort that you are not alone. I hope my story can help anyone that has been struggling with emotional and mental issues with your spouse/partner during pregnancy. I know for me it was extremely therapeutic to type these feelings down and share it. 

Thank you guys for your time and support and see you in my next one!