Fashion. Beauty. Lifestyle

Thursday, February 21, 2019

Chasing Your Dream in Secret | How to Pursue your Dream Free of the Opinions of Others

How many of you are people pleasers? 

I will raise both my hands with you guys because for as long as my memory allows I have always been a people pleaser. It wasn't until I pursued my online business that I realized this was something that I needed to work on. 

Being a people pleaser = worrying about other people's opinions!

When my husband and I were living in Rhode Island we both worked. For the last three years of living there I was making way more money than he was. We were living comfortably and our families were proud of us but inside I was anxious. I was anxious because I was pursuing what I loved on the side and the only person that got it was my husband. 
People at work how no idea what I did on the side. No one knew besides my husband, a few people and my online community. It was like I was living a double life for so long and the room felt smaller and smaller. I quickly started to develop anxiety because I wanted to share so bad what I was doing and what I loved but I worried about what other people would think about me. 

When we worry about what other people's opinions are about us what we are actually looking is to get their approval or acceptance. But and with a BIG BUT... if we look for the approval from others then we will be looking infinitely because people will always be negative and will let you down. There will always be a negative person that is waiting around the corner to peek their head out to throw shade or give their unwanted opinion. But realize that 99% of the time their opinion carries no weight because they have no knowledge or background on what it is that you are trying to build! 

Now let's unpack this because there are two kinds of opinions:

1. The made up ones (hypotheticals) 
These opinions are the ones that we make up in our own heads. We are in our own heads gassing our selves up on what we assume others are saying about us. You see a post on social media and you make it about you. You visit your family member and you assume that they are talking about you because you all of a sudden, can read their energy. 
Don't feel alone girl if you do this,  because I am notorious for doing this! But let's look at this realistically and ask yourself: has someone actually came up to your face and said something negative about your business or dream?? 
More than likely the answer is no. If this was a court case we would have nothing to present to the jury besides our conspiracy theories because there are no facts/evidence and/or proof that people were talking about us. 

2. Actual opinions
These opinions are real! Proof exists here. You have read comments/dm(s). You had a jealous Tia (aka Aunt in english) that made a snarky comment about your blog. Whoever it was in your life, someone actually said something negative. 
 When this happens shift your mind and just pray for these people and move on boo! 
We can not let their energy make space in our mind and/or heart. 

So the question to ask yourself is: what are we going to do when this happens?

1. STOP! 
Stop looking at these comments/dm(s) and listening to your Tia! I have seen some mean comments under my Youtube videos. I have read criticism on my appearance, the shape of my head, how I speak, my teeth, I talk dumb or I have no idea on how to apply makeup etc etc etc...

Now in the past I used to get desperate when I read these comments. I was obsessed with replying to them and replying with something nice so that they could like me because I dread when people don't like me! It bothers me to my core. I would make excuses for these people and say things like "well maybe they are just having a bad day" or "she must of misinterpreted what I was trying to say."  
This was not healthy for me and it will not be healthy for you as well! 
So let's STOP looking at these comments!

2. Build your tribe
Surround yourself with good people. It's so important for your mental health to surround yourself with people that going to build you up. People that support you and want to see you succeed. You need this kind of energy around you. 

3. Reach out to like minded people
When no one around you understands what it is you are trying to build the dream can feel very lonely. Reach out to people in your community or online that are in the same profession/industry as you. You will discover that more than likely they feel the same way you do!

I hope this post was helpful because let me tell you just typing it was so therapeutic for me. 

Let me leave you with this: We can not measure our worth by someone's else opinion. You were made by God to create because He is the ultimate Creator! 



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